Sunday, September 14, 2014

We're Leaving You

It's sad, but true. We're leaving. For Florida. We briefly discussed blogging via Mamadukes' internet machine, but then we realized that we were on vacation. It is bad enough that there isn't any rich soul(s) paying us for these adventures and that we give you this level of comedy for free. We're not blogging on our time off. You'll have to catch us on Twatter and Instagram (@travelingbbabes). 

We don't want you to feel bad, so we've decided to share with you some of the highlights of our upcoming trip. We want you to feel included even though you've had zero involvement in planning this trip and zero involvement in paying for it. 

The Great Mamadukes Visit of 14:
  • Meeting Mamadukes' personal trainer
  • Working out in preparation for the Tunnel 2 the Tower Run
  • Pool
  • Drive in movie theater
  • Tampa Rays
  • Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party
  • Hollywood Studios
  • Epcot Center's Food & Wine Festival
  • Disney character meet & greets galore
  • Universal Studios' Harry Potter World & Islands of Adventure's Diagon Alley
  • Trying not to be totally fat
The rest is all a surprise. Try not to hold your breath while waiting for our return. Peace out, bitches. 

Sunday, September 7, 2014

2014 Tim Lincecum Appreciation Day

It's that time of year again. The annual celebration of the man we know as Tim Lincecum. We realize that we are a few days late, but we had a lot of activities going on and as you know, we no longer blog on weekends that bookend a bank holiday. If the post office is closed, so then are we. Timmy and us have had a pretty rockin' year so far. If we're to be quite frank, it's hardly surprising that Timmy's been having the season he's been having so far. We've made him so happy!!!! Plus, he's been following our exercise regiment religiously. The San Francisco Giants should basically have us on their payroll because we're the meaning in Timmy's life. We're his inspiration. They should also give us health benefits and a 401(K) plan so that we can leave our current jobs to pursue a career in traveling baseball babes that life coach and encourage you to make poor decision for good reasons.

ANYWHO, let's talk about our most recent Timmy adventures. We know you've been dying to hear about them.

To celebrate New Year's, we got all dolled up to attend a fancy gala at a nearby country club. As you can see, Timmy decided to go drag. He was jealous of Serena's Girls and wanted to show off his as well.
Soon after, he decided to try out his skills at stand up comedy and booked a gig at Foxwoods. Since he's our #1 BFF, we HAD to support him, so we dragged Maria with us to see his show. Sadly, he's just not that funny. Tomatoes were thrown. The paparazzi took this photo of us:
Timmy had never been a fan at an opening day before, so he made it a point this season to blow off his own team and join us at Yankees' Opening Day. He loved it. He ate 6 Italian sausages and then later threw up in a garbage can. He also took a billion selfies...or shall we say, "Hervies?"
He briefly joined us for an afternoon in Pittsburgh. On his off days, Timmy likes to wear short shorts. He recently purchased a package at the European Wax Center to keep his long stems silky smooth all year round.
Finally, he joined us at the Foam Fest 5K this year and had a great time getting all foamy with us. He agreed with us that there was too much running and not enough foam, but he loves his medal.
We have plans to hook up for Halloween, so hopefully those will be some epic photos for you. We plan on spending the evening getting him sloshed and trying to convince him never to grow facial hair ever again.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

White Sox at Yankees 8-23-14

Yesterday, we had tickets to the Yankees/White Sox game because of our selfless acts of kindness. People should really reward us more often. You might be asking yourselves, "what act of kindness did you perform this time? Really, girls, you do so many good deeds. Where do you find the time?" Well, what can we say? We're just inherently good people. On this particular circumstance, we registered to run in the Stephen Siller Tunnel to The Towers Foundation Run being held on September 28th. The run follows the path firefighter Stephen Siller took on September 11th from the Brooklyn Battery Tunnel where he left his truck to the towers when the first plane hit. Since this will be the worst run - physically, mentally, and emotionally - in the history of runkind, the Foundation included a ticket to a Yankees' game with our registration fee. At least, that's what we like to think. Joining us at the game was Stephanie (you might remember her from the Damon Runyon 5K post) and Herv. Herv's been featured on the blog a few times, but it was so long ago that it would be way too time consuming for us to go find where that might be. Just know that he's there. 

Allow us to set the scene for you. The night before, Serena was in a wedding. She returned to her abode at roughly 1 am and spent the next hour removing her bridesmaid dress and all of the pins in her hair. Then, at 8 am, she taught a yoga class. Needless to say, by the time our Fantastic Four got together, we were moving a bit slowly. We arrived at Yankee Stadium in the midst of Joe Torre Day. You may think that it's an abomination for 3 genuine Yankees fans and one fake one to be late to something as "important" as Joe Torre Day, but we don't really care. Serena thinks he's a bit of a Gossip Girl anyway. 
On hand for the ceremony were Bernie Williams, Paul O'Neill, Tino Martinez, and Andy Pettitte. Also on hand were a bunch of Yankees Classics that we don't really care about - like Jorge Posada and Hideki Matsui. Posada seems to be into spray tanning now. 

Our seats with the charity were located in Section 434a in the last row. We narrowly missed being stuck in the non-alcoholic section (433). That would've been terrible. 

We managed to survive a solid two innings without eating. After that, things got hairy. Stephanie and Herv ordered grilled chicken sandwiches and shared a large fry platter for a total of $20.
Lisa got a hot Italian sausage (a sandwich, not a man) and a collectible beer cup for $19.50 whereas Serena ordered the chicken slider bucket for $20...for herself. And no one else. Pretty confident that she got the most for her $20. 5 sliders and a plethora of fries. Fries to the heart's content! Lisa was impressed with Serena's stomach capacity.

In the bottom of the 4th, the Yankees scored a bunch. Lisa took excellent notes on the situation until she dropped her cell phone down a flight of stairs. We watched pieces of it fly off each time it connected with the concrete. Serena didn't stop shoveling fries into her mouth once. It was like watching the most captivating movie you'd ever seen - you know, something on par with Fletch or Fletch Lives. 
Luckily for Lisa, the phone survived with minor damage. Notice how Lisa proudly carries the pieces of her phone in her hands. 

As you can see in the photos, we had awesome weather. Our seats were in the wind zone, hence the sweatshirts. Only 5 rows down, the temperature was drastically warmer. Everyone in our row moved down, but we're not sissies, so we stuck it out. We took advantage of Herv's go-go-gadget arms and took a bunch of selfies. 

Herv took a bunch of selfies of himself, which we've dubbed "Hervies." He takes a lot of them, mostly at the gym, and then posts them to Instagram. Here we are trying to take our own version of the Hervie (start hashtagging this - it's going to be an epic trend):
In the top of the 7th, with the Yankees winning 5-3, we realized that Lisa is a terrible scorekeeper because there were hardly any notes in our diary. Therefore, we decided to get Serena's TrapperKeeper stamped (Lisa forgot hers a real a-hole). 

This marks her 2nd MLB stamp in a stadium journey that has taken her to 22 active ballparks. 
August 23, 2014: visit to Yankee Stadium. False. More like 30th visit. Failure pile. Herv snapped a photo of us on our return:
Lisa was displeased about having to go up the stairs at the Stadium AGAIN. And also, she was annoyed that she'd have to get her TrapperKeeper stamped in the 2015 season (most likely - we don't have any current plans to hit another Yankees game between now and the end of the season, unless the Yankees make an epic run at the Wild Card. Plus, we'll be in Florida for the last two weeks of the season anyway). 

The score remained unchanged, giving the Yankees their second win in the series. Maybe if they played this efficiently all season, they wouldn't be in the hunt for the Wild Card. Instead, they would've had the opportunity to clinch the division, but NOOOOOO. They have to make everything difficult. 

The end.

Sunday, August 17, 2014

MCU Park

MCU Park
1904 Surf Avenue
Brooklyn, NY 11224

August 2, 2014
Our first TBB-sanctioned trip to a minor league baseball game. Which also happened to be Star Wars Night. Coincidence? Nope. We also brought Lara with us. It's unclear as to whether or not Lara has actually been to a baseball game before, so we're going to go ahead and declare that we brought Lara to her very first baseball game. Unfortunately, we forgot to document this moment with a photo because we were too busy being wowed by all of the perks being at a minor league game included. So, we apologize for that failure.

Since we're not that familiar with Brooklyn, we got hosed on parking. We paid (or rather, Lara paid) $20 for parking at a lot across the street. When we walked to the ballpark, we noticed a lot right next door to the stadium advertising parking for $5. We're a-holes. If we'd just driven a little further, we could've saved Lara $5.

Once inside the stadium, we got our free giveaway, which was a Padawan Pee-Wee bobblehead. The bobblehead exhibits a higher level of craftsmanship than Jedi D'Arnaud.
We noticed a few things immediately. For starters, there isn't a whole lot to the place. That's not to say that it isn't a nice ballpark. It's just incredibly small when compared to the MLB stadiums. The second thing we noticed is that the Star Wars characters were awful. Our Halloween costumes were better than theirs (with a few exceptions). The upside to this was the fact that the people in costume were SUPER into it. In fact, the stadium itself was super into the theme night. The Cyclones wore special Darth Maul jerseys for the night and changed their name to the "Sithclones."
Before getting food, we found our seats. This is the view you can get at MCU Park for a whopping $16:

Impressive, no? We sat in our seats for a solid 5 minutes before deciding that we needed our first round of food. We got a Nathan's bacon wrapped hot dog called "The King Dog" for $7.50/each and 40 oz. beers for $7/each. Lara got herself a hot Italian sausage for $6.50.

The hot dog was acceptable, though not nearly as good as we anticipated considering it was wrapped in bacon. Lara's sausage on the other hand was what dreams are made of. Finally, we found the sausage to usurp the RFK & Yankee Stadium sandwiches. What a piece of meat. All we had to do was travel to Brooklyn to find it. Who knew? Leave it to Brooklyn to have a tasty piece of Italian sausage.

Our second round of food included fries for $7.50 (Serena), a pulled pork sandwich for $8, and bacon on a stick for $7 (Lara - Lara basically went ape sh*t on food). While waiting on an unnecessarily long line for fries, Serena missed an epic light saber duel on the field. Lisa managed to snap a photo to show her when she got back. Lara's sandwich was decent, the meat having been cooked in bacon grease (which is fun for fatties of all ages), but the really beauty of the night was her bacon on a stick from the Big Guy NYC stand. Their slogan is "slap that pig." It was literally the best piece of meat we've ever put in our mouths. In the history of meatkind. Thank god for Lara. She insisted that she go on a hunt for that stand once we heard about it. Us? We were too lazy to follow. If she hadn't chased that stand down and missed 2 innings of baseball, we never would've gotten the opportunity to make sweet, sweet love to a bacon on a stick.

The Cyclones have an MC called King Henry. He is ridiculous and amazing. He is fat and he wears a crown. He danced and offered a free quesadilla giveaway to one lucky fan. It wasn't us.

Serena remembered to bring her minor league ballpark mini TrapperKeeper with her (Lisa forgot...again...because she's an a-hole), so before it got too late, she left to find the validation station. While she was gone, she missed a hot dog race (ketchup one) and another light saber duel. Stupid.
As we mentioned earlier, we forgot to take any photos of us, but we didn't forget to take pictures of the Cyclones' seagull mascots: Pee-Wee and Sandy.

If anyone knows what this light up vibrator thing in right field is, please enlighten us. We will mail you a dollar for your insights.

As we left, we took photos of the ballpark and of the Jackie Robinson statue (because we forgot to do that when we arrived - we basically forgot to do anything we were supposed to, including checking the 9/11 Memorial Wall, which is supposedly lovely).

The Cyclones gave the Tigers a beatdown, winning 8-1. WP: Marcos Molina, LP: Josh Heddinger.

Sunday, August 3, 2014

The 2014 Damon Runyon 5K

Today we ran in our third Damon Runyon 5K and all things considered, we did pretty well. We only worked out twice to prepare for this day and we still managed to finish in about 30 minutes or so. We even had an actual team member with us, which is always exciting. Stephanie also wore the shirt and hair ribbon that we demanded she wear. Before we get into the great things that WE accomplished today, let's do a brief recap of the event's success:

"New York, NY (August 3, 2014— More than 2,300 baseball fans, runners, walkers, cancer survivors, and their friends and family gathered at Yankee Stadium on Sunday, August 3rd for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation’s sixth annual Runyon 5K.
One of New York’s most unique summer events, the Runyon 5K is the only charitable run/walk that uses the iconic Stadium as its course. This year’s event raised more than $500,000 – and counting – for the nonprofit’s groundbreaking efforts to strike out cancer. Since inception, the event has raised more than $3.5 million dollars.
Runners were welcomed to the Stadium by Damon Runyon President and CEO Lorraine Egan, U.S. Congressman José E. Serrano, WNBC 4 reporter Brynn Gingras, and Yankees enthusiast and Bleacher Creature leader “Bald Vinny.”
“Over the past six years, the proceeds from the Runyon 5K have allowed us to fund amazing cancer researchers doing incredible work,” Egan said. "Our 5K participants have made breakthroughs possible – it’s as simple as that.”
Runners were welcomed by a video – displayed on the centerfield video board – greeting from the Official Ambassador, Yankees center fielder Brett Gardner. The event's top fundraiser will win a chance to meet Gardner and two tickets to the game."

You can still support the Damon Runyon 5K by pledging a our team preferably. Next year, if you're local, we insist that you do this run. For the good of your soul, cancer research, your ass/thighs, and for your stomach (because they have the best snacks ever). This video will give you a snippet of what it's like, but it conveniently leaves out any reference to the stairs.

We miraculously arrived at the Stadium an hour and a half in advance, which is unheard of for us. Probably because we had Stephanie to keep us on task. If it was up to us, we probably would've stopped for coffee and the bathroom 3 more times than we actually did. As you can see in this photo, it looked like we were heading into a monsoon.
Once we arrived, we checked in, picked up our bibs and filled out our tribute cards. We choose to run for the Damon Runyon Cancer Research Foundation in honor of Lisa's Fred #2 and Serena's Mamadukes, Mema, and Fred #1.

Do you see those sexy, colorful ribbons in our hair? You want them, don't you? They were custom made for us by Lisa's friend, Kerry. You want sexy, colorful ribbons for yourself? Message us and we'll put you in touch with the mastermind. She may even give you a discount. Like 5% or some sh*t. Or a free taco with purchase.

Since we were early, we decided to watch the first wave lap the field from the Delta Skybox.

We got wind that we might be able to hop onto an earlier heat, so we ran downstairs to hit that shit. We took our traditional pre-race selfie just before horn sounded.

And then we were off! First, two laps around the 100 level. Serena always high-fives Don Mattingly's number near Monument Park. Perhaps one day soon, she will high-five Bernie's. *Hint, hint* Here we are running on the field like Olympic track stars:

Having already done two Runyon 5K's, we knew the drill. Watch for sneaky photographers and make sure you smile. We've had far too many stinky eye pictures. We explained all of this to Stephanie while rounding the warning track. How do you think we did?

Once off the warning track, it was time to face the true horror of this race: stairs. 4 million stairs to be exact. Lisa counted. We must've had two epic race training days because it wasn't as terrible as it had been in the past. Don't misunderstand. The stairs were terrible and they symbolize everything that's evil in this world, but they just weren't as bad as usual. Running high school bleachers two times really paid off.

After the race, we received medals for being the most fashionable runners there. We accepted these awards as humbly as possible.

As usual, the post-race spread was simply stellar. Cheese, bagels, bananas, yogurt, healthy snack bars. We stuffed ourselves and after parting ways with Stephanie, stopped and got smoothies. Then we napped. Before blogging, we felt that we needed some protein and "brain food" to blog, so we stopped at Taco Bell and ordered about $10 of food. Per person. Now here we are. The End. Til' next year.